Living in Love

I talk about love everyday!  The truth is (I read it in my Bible) that the only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love.

My twelve year old daughter, who has recently started reading the Bible every night for herself and who has experienced life with a selfish and angry mom that has been transformed by love, tells me very simply that the only thing that makes any sense at all is love.

It's true.  When two people are acting selfishly, offense is bound to happen and arguments turn ugly.  (James 4:1-3)  If one person responds in love (Proverbs 15:1), then anger is turned away.  Love does not take offense, no matter what the other person says or does, because love is not selfish.  (Proverbs 19:11, 1 Corinthians 13:5)  Love cares for the well-being of the one who is suffering from their own selfishness.

Because I am not blinded by my own selfishness, I am able to see that selfishness blinds people to their own sin.  They are able to see the sin of others, but are completely blind to their own sin.  Because I am not blinded by my own selfishness, I do not take offense at other people's behavior.  I'm not offended, so I am able to see how the other person's selfishness destroys them.  I am able to see how it hurts them.  I am able to have compassion for them, be patient with them, and love them, regardless of what they throw at me.

It's not about me.  It's about Him, who is love, and my faith in His name (who He is) expressing itself through love.  I demonstrate my love for Him by loving others, no matter what it costs me.  That is how he loves me.  He demonstrated His love for us in this: "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  (Romans 5:8)

One example of what this looks like:  Yesterday, one of my children gave the devil a foothold by getting angry at another child for not giving him/her (I'll just say he) what he wanted.  He was acting very selfishly, pushing himself on others and forcing his way into someone else's game.  When that didn't work, he got angry and started hurling accusations at others.  (This does not happen often anymore, but it does happen.)  Another child came to get me so that I could help the angry child, who was acting out in front of our guests.  It was an awkward situation, once it was initiated.  I called the child out of the room.  He was furious that I had been called and that things were not going his way.  He stomped past me to meet me in my room where I had directed him to go so we could talk in private.  I wanted to remove the child from the awkward situation.  I didn't want the child to make a spectacle of himself any longer, and I needed a quiet space to love my out of control child.

Discipline looks like this:  My child was angry!  He sat there on the couch in our room with his arms crossed, his eyebrows furled, and his lips pursed.  I sat down next to my child and said nothing.  I prayed quietly, because I really did not know quite what to say.  I asked God to help me handle this in love.  My child began to throw angry accusations out about the one who was not giving him his way.  I gently tried to show this child how he was being selfish by trying to push his way into someone else's game.  That did not go over so well.  My child began to hurl insults and accusations at me.  I was tempted to get angry, but...the only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love.  I prayed quietly and sat silently, looking at my child with compassion.  I could see that this child was miserable.  He was the most miserable person in the house.  His selfishness was eating him up.

I did not rebuke my child for treating me with dishonor.  He was accusing me of being selfish.  He was accusing me of not loving him.  He was accusing me of being a hypocrite.  It didn't hurt, because it is simply not true.  He got angry at me for talking about love, and he said that he hated that I always talked about love.  He said that he hates the Bible.  He said that he hated everything about me.  It didn't hurt, because I knew that none of it was true.  This was not my child speaking.  He had given the devil a foothold, and the devil went all out shouting lies into my child's mind.  I just looked at my child and told him that I loved him.  He scowled at me.  I sat quietly.  I really was not angry.

After a short time, my child looked at me and asked for a hug.  I held out my arms, and he scooted over, sat in my lap, and began to cry.  He told me that he felt awful.  He told me that he stuck his tongue out at his sibling.  He knew that he had been selfish.  He knew he was wrong.  I didn't have to say a thing.

Once my child was calm, I asked if we could talk about what happened.  We were able to discuss how selfishness hurts the one who is being selfish.  It hurts others, too.  I asked if he was ready to go join everyone else.  We left the room happy and all was well after that.

Today, the same child had a brief moment with selfishness.  We were cleaning up and gathering things to give away.  We found a toy that we had not seen in a while.  An older sibling then gave it to a younger sibling, but it actually belonged to this child.  Oops.  Before we could straighten it all out and figure out what to do with the toy, the child lost control.  I stayed calm, always thinking how to respond with authority and with love.  The child did eventually see how his response of anger due to offense revealed his selfishness.

We decided that so much negative feelings were now associated with the toy that we did not to keep it, because every time he played with the toy he would remember his selfishness and he didn't think he would enjoy it anymore.  I agree.

My child was able to see his own selfishness, because the light of love in me exposed his sin.  He was not able to be distracted by my behavior.  The only wrong behavior in the room was his.  We are the light of the world!

Sometimes Things Don't Go Right

In the previous two posts, I share our homeschool schedule.

 

Occasionally, we get off-track.  If I don't hold to the schedule very well for too many days in a row, then we have to make too many adjustments and the kids don't know what to expect.  Then, things start to get crazy again.  Kids slack off on chores and schoolwork.  Behavior goes downhill.  I can't easily say, "You know the schedule," so I begin to get frustrated and target the kids' irresponsibility and their poor behavior, which makes everything worse.  They become insecure, and their behavior continues to spiral down.  Thankfully, this doesn't happen often and we know how to quickly get back on track.  Praise the Lord!

 

At some point, I realize what is happening and I praise God for opening my eyes to see the truth.  I recognize that I had not been faithful to my word and they were simply following my lead.  I thank the Holy Spirit, who lives in me, for convicting me (convincing me) that my behavior was not right.  I confess (acknowledge, agree) that I was not faithful like my Heavenly Father is faithful, and I agree that I do not want to live like that because no good thing comes from it.  I want to be like my Abba in heaven.  I confess (acknowledge, agree) that I had become unloving as I focused on my children's behavior and became frustrated with how it affected me and my plans for the day.  I agree with God that love is the only way!  He comforts me, reminding me that I am His child and that there is now no condemnation for me, because by faith I am clothed in the righteousness of Christ Jesus.  I thank Jesus for what He did on the cross, which He did because of His great love for me.  Wow!  He loves me!  He really loves me!  He paid the price for my sin!  He really loves me!  I thank God for Jesus and for giving me His Spirit to lead me in paths of righteousness.  I thank Him that I am free to forget what is behind and to move forward in righteousness.  I am free from the power of sin and death!  I am truly free!

Schedule and Meal Plan Short Version

Here is the short version for reference:

General Daily Schedule:

 

6 or 6:30 - Wake up, read the Bible, and pray

 

7:00 - Wake everyone up, devotional time

 

8:00 - chores and breakfast.

 

9:00 - Math

 

10:00 - Foundations

 

11:00 Reading and Writing

11:45 Naptime for youngest

12:00 - lunch and afternoon chores

Mondays - sandwiches, chips or crackers, raw veggies, and fruit 
Tuesdays - PB&J, something crunchy, some kind of fruit, sometimes a cheese stick, sometimes raw veggies
Wednesdays - sandwiches or leftovers and whatever we can find in the fridge 
Thursdays - something quick and easy like sandwiches, leftovers, or mac&cheese or SPAM 
Fridays - same as Tuesdays
Saturdays - pancakes, eggs, and bacon for brunch 
Sundays - leftovers

1:00 Latin with my Challenge A student and board games and card games for elementary students

2:00 EEL and IEW (Language Arts) with 4th grader, study and time with siblings for others

4:00 Dinner prep for me, free play for others, study time for older kids if they need it

5:00 - Dinner 

Mondays - currently boiled chicken, rice or bread, and a veggie, soon to be meatloaf 
Tuesdays - always a crockpot meal, usually a roast with carrots and potatoes
Wednesdays - hotdogs with buns or with rice, veggie, spinach salad
Thursdays - usually Frito Pie: Fritos, homemade chili, cheese 
Fridays - Pizza Night: pick up pizza and salad, everyone loves pizza night 
Saturdays - something yummy for dinner 
Sundays - still not set

6:00- 9:00 - chores, finish school, get ready for bed

6:30 - bathtime for three boys

7:00 - bedtime for three boys

8:00 - bedtime for KES

9:00 - bedtime for Challenge students and Mommy and Daddy time!

This is our schedule.
It is meant to serve us, not to rule us.
Love always comes first.
Mercy trumps the schedule.

God is with me throughout the day, whatever I do and wherever I go.
Love is with me throughout the day.
I am learning to talk to Him about everything, all day long.
I talk to Him about love, all day long.

 

 

Our Schedule and Meal Plan with Details

Another homeschool mom asked me to share what our family's schedule looks like.  I decided to post it here so I could share with others if anyone else ever asked.

 

We have a schedule that works for our family, because I prayed and asked God to help me create a schedule that would ensure that I have one-on-one time with every child, to teach them and to love them.  It is a wonderful schedule for us, because I have time with every child, and they have dedicated time with each other.  The younger ones do academics in a fun and relaxed way with me in the morning, while my older kids work independently.  In the afternoon, the older kids each have an hour dedicated to play with the younger kids, while I work one-on-one with the older kids.  There are still not enough hours in the day to "do it all," but at least we are sure to get some or most of everything done, which is more than ever happens when chaos reigns.  The kids know the schedule, so they are not constantly asking me what we are going to do, and they are not constantly asking me to do what they want to do.  When they do ask me to do something different, I can simply remind them of what is scheduled and let them know what we are doing in that moment.  Occasionally, I can tell them if and when their desire might be fulfilled.  It might be later in the day, or it might be later in the week, but they are usually good with it, because they know there is a time scheduled for it and they can look forward to it.  If we have an off day or a field trip, we just go back to the schedule the next day.  The kids, even my teenagers, find comfort and confidence in knowing what to expect.

 

The same concept holds true for disciplining, even my youngest, children.  Our one year old has picked up on the schedule and happily participates in different activities in different parts of the house or yard throughout the day.  I did not know how to teach self-discipline to my babies until after my third child.  I started with our fourth as an infant to train him to listen to my kind words and choose to obey.  I can simply say, "No-no.  Don't touch."  Our one year old will pull his hand back and consider his actions, then move on to something else.  He stays out of the kitchen cabinets and away from purses, keys, and cell phones, etc., because he has learned not to touch them.  If he is tempted, I can remind him with a few kind words.  It is very pleasant for him and for me.  If you want to know more, I will be happy to tell you more.  God is good.  He has answered my prayers and has shown me how to parent, because I had no clue what I was getting into when we started our family.  I really screwed up with my older kids, but love does indeed cover over a multitude of sins, and God really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him and whom He has called according to His good purposes.

 

General Daily Schedule:

 

Wake up, read Bible, and pray around 6 or 6:30

 

Wake everyone up around 7:00AM 

(While they are waking up, still lying in bed, I tell them things like: This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it.  God is love!  God made us in His image.  He made us to love.  Our goal today is to live in love.  It's what God made us for.  He commands us to love Him and to love others.  Love is the fulfillment of the law.  He gave us the Golden Rule so that we can know if we are being loving or not.  If I am treating someone in a way that I would not like to be treated, then I am not acting in a loving way.  If I am treating someone in a way that I would like to be treated, then I know that I am loving that person the way God wants me to love.  It's a good day when God's love shines in all of us.  Let's do everything without complaining or arguing so that we will shine like stars in the universe as we hold out the word of life.  You are a treasure.  You are a gift from God.  Note: I do not say all of this everyday.  I say some of these things every day, as well as other things, as the Lord leads.  I learned from my first child to never ask, "How are you doing this morning?" or "How did you sleep?"  The answer was never good, and it always started off the day on a sour note.)

 

7-7:30 I do a devotional, read the Bible, or read Missionary stories to my older kids while I nurse the baby.  The younger two (4 & 6) play or read.

 

From 7:30 or 8:00 until 9:00 we do chores and eat breakfast. The four and six year old get dressed independently, put plates, forks, and napkins on the table, then they are given the big responsibility of babysitting their baby brother in the playroom (gated to keep them all in), while the big kids and I do laundry, gather trash, put way clean dishes, tidy the house, and cook breakfast.  Some training was necessary to teach them to stay in the playroom until we call them to breakfast.  Some training was necessary to teach them how to play with the little one.  They are so proud to have this responsibility, and they look forward to their time with him.  They do very well.  Of course, all of the big people are watching and listening as we go about our chores.  They are not really alone with the baby.

 

9-10:00  MATH - The three big kids work independently, while I spend some time teaching math to the younger boys.  Usually, one of the big kids takes the toddler for a while to play in their room while they study flashcards or read, so that I can work one-on-one with the boys for at least 20 minutes.  Sometimes, I put the little one in a backpack carrier or in the stroller while I work with the boys.  I also use some of this hour to check on the older kids' math, which they work on independently.

 

10-11:00  Foundations - The big kids work independently while the youngest four join me in the living room with a whiteboard and a copy of the week's memory work.  We block all exits to corral the little one and start working on the Classical Conversations memory work together.  Wednesday - we spend a lot of time finding the songs and singing them over and over and over.  Thursday - we teach the memory work to some friends who come over to study with us, so we sing and review everything very thoroughly on this day, too.  Friday - we go through all of the work more quickly and play some games with some of the subjects.  Monday - we quickly review the week's work, then play review games with all of the past week's material.  I will likely have to start focusing on single subjects each Monday.  It is getting to be a lot of material.

 

11-12:00 Reading and Writing - Our nine year old (KES) watches the little one while I work with boys on Reading and Writing.  10-20 minutes each.  During this hour, I have KES read to or play games with the boys, while I put the baby down for a nap around 11:45.

Noon to 1:00 is lunch and afternoon chores.  We make lunch, eat lunch, clean up, and do a few set chores (laundry and cleaning up the kitchen).  Mondays - sandwiches, chips or crackers, raw veggies, and fruit  Tuesdays - PB&J, something crunchy, some kind of fruit, sometimes a cheese stick, sometimes raw veggies (made the night before to take to CC)  Wednesdays - sandwiches or leftovers and whatever we can find in the fridge  Thursdays - something quick and easy like sandwiches, leftovers, or mac&cheese or SPAM  Fridays - same as Tuesdays because I put them all in the car from 12-1 to drop my oldest off for Robotics  (We eat in the car and get back in time for me to study Latin with my 13 year old daughter.)  Saturdays - pancakes, eggs, and bacon for brunch  Sundays - leftovers

1-2:00 I study Latin with my Challenge A student, while KES plays board games and card games with the boys.  Little one is still sleeping.  Oldest studies independently or is at Robotics.

2-4:00 I work with KES on EEL and IEW (Language Arts), while the oldest two each have an hour to study and an hour devoted to the three little boys.

4-5:00 Dinner prep for me and free play for all the little ones.  They usually like to play outside on the play set or play make believe in the house together.  I can watch them all from the kitchen either way.

5:00 Dinner  - I'm in the process of changing it a bit, but here it is:  Mondays - currently boiled chicken, rice or bread, and a veggie, soon to be meatloaf  Tuesdays - always a crockpot meal, usually a roast with carrots and potatoes, because we are gone all day to Classical Conversations  Wednesdays - hotdogs with buns or with rice, veggie, spinach salad, which is quick and easy so I can be sure to get dinner on the table and take KES to choir practice on time.  Thursdays - usually Frito Pie: Fritos, homemade chili, cheese  Fridays - Pizza Night: pick up pizza and salad, everyone loves pizza night  Saturdays - something yummy for dinner  Sundays - still not set

After dinner is play, baths, bedtime for the younger ones and finish chores (6-7:00) and schoolwork (7-8:30) for the older ones, if needed.  This is when I have time to go over questions and spend time on schoolwork with the oldest two Challenge students.

6:30 is bathtime for the three boys

7:00 is bedtime for the three boys

9:00 is Mommy and Daddy time!

God is with me throughout the day, whatever I do and wherever I go.  I am learning to talk to Him about everything, all day long.

 

 

Love Is Patient

I'm so glad that love is patient.  I find that I keep learning the same things over and over and over.

I used to be impatient with myself and with my children for not doing what we know to do, but now I am just so thankful every time I do what I know I should not do that I recognize once again that only God's ways are right.  I am so thankful that love is patient.  God's patience with me makes me want to be patient with others.

If we are to love God, then we must be patient as we wait for His promises to be kept.  He is faithful.  He does keep His promises.

If we are to love others, then we must be patient with them when they fail to do what we know that they know to do.

If we are to love ourselves, then we must be patient with ourselves as we grow up into Him.  He IS working in us.  He IS changing us.  He IS sanctifying us.  He loves us!

God is love.  He is patient.  He is kind.  He does not envy.  He does not boast.  He is not proud.  He is not rude.  He is not self-seeking.  He is not easily angered.  He keeps no record of wrongs.  He does not delight in evil.  He rejoices in the truth.  He always protects.  He always trusts.  He always hopes.  He always perseveres.  He never fails!

It's true!  Jesus is the image of the invisible God.  He is the exact representation of the Father.  If we have seen Jesus, then we have seen the Father.  Jesus is love with skin on.  He is not only our Savior, but our example to follow.  Praise God!  His love endures forever!  His faithfulness continues through all generations!