Sometimes I just do not understand myself! I know something to be true, but I act like it isn't true. For example, I know that I need to spend time in God's Word everyday and that it helps me to live according to His Word, if His Word is in me. I know that I need to talk to God all day everyday about everything. I know that He is real and that He loves me, cares for me, provides for me, and so much more, but then I go and make an idol out of something by making that something more important than God.
Again, my idols are schoolwork and schedules. These two things always get me. I am a homeschool mom, so I need to be actually teaching my kids and I need to have schedules in order to get it all done. There is nothing evil about schoolwork or schedules, but I make them into idols when I place their importance above spending time with my Heavenly Father and obeying His command to love others and forgive others, just as He loves me and has forgiven me.
God tells us not to worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, to present my requests to Him (Philippians 4:6). We have some math to work on through the summer, I want to keep some semblance of routine going, and I do not want to have to reteach what they already know. I begin to worry because it is difficult to accomplish anything right now because I am so tired everyday and I wonder how I am going to make it work this coming school year after the baby is born. Worry leads to pushing the kids to stick to the schedule and using my anger and frustration to "motivate" them to get it done. Now, I know this doesn't work, but my idol (sticking to the schedule and getting the schoolwork and chores done) is dictating my actions.
If I place God first, and get rid of all my idols, then I am driven by love to encourage the right behavior and to praise my children for what they are doing well. I am patient with them when they fail and I lovingly discipline them and let them suffer the consequences of their actions. They can be unhappy about missing out on snack or not getting to go on a walk, but my attitude towards them is always one of love, because God's command to me is to believe in the name of God's Son, Jesus, and to love others as He commanded us (1 John 3:23). God is Love (1 John 4:8). I am made in His image (Genesis 1:27). I am made to love. I know this, because God is love and He commands me to love others just as He loves me (John 13:34). The greatest commandment is to love God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind, and the second is like it; I am to love my neighbor as myself (Mark 12:30-31). I have done this, and it works great!
However, this week, I skipped going on my walks in order to make sure we stuck to the schedule. I have allowed myself to be critical and I have spoken unkind words to my children, because following the schedule was more important than obeying God by acting in love. The result: wet beds, eczema, sickness, whiny and complaining behavior from the little ones, attitudes from the big ones, contractions, and a return of pain in my own body. Not fun!!! I know that I have already learned this lesson.
In the past, this is the point where I would feel guilty and ashamed for making the same mistake, AGAIN! I would shut down and feel hopeless. I would want to give up, because why try when I'm just going to keep failing again and again. But God has shown me this: Satan is the accuser. Satan wants to shut me down. Satan does not want me to be lead in paths of righteousness (Psalm 23:3). The Holy Spirit, who lives in me, convicts me of my sin (I agree with God that my behavior is wrong). The Holy Spirit guides me (to move forward into righteousness). The Holy Spirit comforts me (He reminds me of God's love for me and that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus). I praise God that He does NOT let me continue in my sin (1 John 3:9). If I go the wrong way, I hear a voice behind me telling me the way I am to go, and I get rid of my idols (Isaiah 30:21-22). I rejoice that I recognize the voice of my shepherd (John 10:16).
So today, I turned my heart back to God, yet again. I confessed to Him that I recognized how I had made an idol out of schoolwork and schedules and how I had broken the Golden Rule by treating my children in ways that I would not want to be treated. I spent some time reading His Word and I spent some time talking to Him about who He is and Who I am in Christ. I thanked Him for not letting me continue in my sin and for guiding me back into righteousness. I praised Him for all of the marvelous and amazing things that He has done in my life and I thanked Him for keeping me and the baby safe through pregnancy and childbirth.
Already, I am free from the pain of the varicose veins and the contractions are not bothersome. I trust that with some tender loving care and some patience on my part, that the kids will recover from their sickness, eczema, bedwetting, attitudes, etc. God is love and love heals! He has shown me over and over that this is true.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word, Just to rest upon His promise, just to know, "Thus saith the Lord." Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I've proved Him o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. Oh, for grace to trust Him more.
I love that hymn. Blessings to all who may read this post. I hope it gives a good picture of how to be free. It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).
Praise God! He is good all the time! His love endures forever! His faithfulness endures through all generations!
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