Monday, July 30, 2012

Tested Where I Teach

I have had the most amazing opportunities to share the Good News with others as of late.  What I find is that I am tested in the very areas where I am teaching others about the word of God.

What I mean is this:  When I talk to someone about how to get rid of all bitterness, anger, and rage, then bitter thoughts begin to flood my head and I find myself struggling to be loving and kind to certain people whom I have already forgiven.  I had not been thinking such things prior to my sharing this good news with someone.  It IS a spiritual attack, and it is coming from outside of me.  The purpose is to ruin my confidence in the testimony I am sharing with another.

I know this because the reason I was able to share so boldly with my friend is that I had overcome the constant feelings of offense, bitterness, anger, and rage, and as a result light and life filled my days and filled my home.  A few days after sharing with my friend, negative thoughts began to overwhelm me.  Everything felt so frustrating and hopeless.  Old thoughts popped back into my head.  Old expressions of frustration began to flow out of me.  Critical words, tone of voice, and mannerisms flowed out of me.

The enemy whispered in my ear that I had never really forgiven these people.  He whispered that there was still a lot of bitterness, anger, and rage deep inside of me.  He whispered in my ear that it was hopeless, and that it was always going to come back up like a weed again and again, and that I would never get rid of it.

Then, I realized that I was listening to the wrong voice.  These things are not true.  God is light, and in Him there is no darkness.  These things I was listening to bring darkness, death, and despair.  I'll have none of that!  God does not give me a spirit of fear!  He gives me a Spirit of power and of love and of self-control.

When I realized that it was an attack of the enemy, and that these thoughts were not mine and that they were not true, then I began to praise God because He opened my eyes to see it.  He does not let me continue in my sin.  The Holy Spirit living in me convicts me of my sin.  He causes me to recognize my sin and I agree with Him that what I was doing was not His will and that it was hurtful to me and others.  He comforts me by reminding me that there is now NO condemnation for me, as I am in Christ Jesus.  My sins are paid for by the blood of the Lamb.  I have been washed clean.  I am not a sinner in need of a Savior.  I am a son of God, and I want to be like my Daddy.  Because I am not cast down by shame and guilt, my Heavenly Father is able to lead me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.  He is able to make me more and more and more like Him, so that in this life, I will be like Him.

The truth is that I do indeed love these people, and I had forgiven them.  I do not want to say or do hurtful things.  I want to bless them and see them built up.  It was the enemy who was bringing up old stuff, and he was trying to put it back in.  It is not deep down in me somewhere.  This was coming from the outside.  When I recognized this, I went to the people whom I had offended and asked for their forgiveness.  Light and life returned, and all the bitterness was gone!

It was the worst 30-40 minutes of my day.

Now, there have been many attacks like this over the past few days.  Some last for a few minutes and some longer, but I keep getting back up.  Now that I recognize this scheme of the devil, I am better able to fight it.  God's word says that if I resist the devil, He will flee from me.  I have not felt bitterness, anger, and rage for some time now, so for this to pop back into my life at this time is too coincidental to write it off.  It is clearly an attack.  I can stand against it when I put on the full armor of God.

I used to spiral down into depression, but now I look up.  God is so good!  It is His will that we have life, and have it more abundantly.  This is eternal life, to know God and the One he sent.

God is love.  I am made in His image.  I am made to be love.  I am His child, and I want to be like Him.  He has made a way for me to grow up into His likeness.  How wonderful!

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